


The Crayon Fic

by hazywentz



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Fluff, I'm Sorry, Kinky sex, M/M, Smut, bum sex m8, this is so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-23 02:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4860173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazywentz/pseuds/hazywentz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crayons aren't just for colouring. </p><p>It was late at night okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no regrets

THE CRAYON FIC

Pete loved crayons. 

Like he fucking lOVED that shit.

He liked to colour with them, and play zombies with them and draw what Patrick would look like nekid. Patrick found out about this and was "shit bro" so after a show e decided to do a little special thing for him. 

After a show Patrick was sitting on the bed and Pete walked in was was like "WHATS UP FUCKER" so ten Patrick was like 

"cmere bby" and literally growled like a fickinb snake or some shit. So he started making out with Him. He was YODELING down his throat. 

Pete pulled away and was like "TRICK STOP!2!3!"

"Come to bed bby."

The dank meme walked over to the shitty fuckin bed and Patrick wa s like "guess what I have?" AND PATRICK PULLED OUT A BOX OF 64 CRAYONs:0. Pete thought it was kinda weird but his massive ding a long went SHWING. So like Patrick stripped the blond meme down cause he wanted to be the frickivg in dem jeans.

So then patrcik was like "OPEN WIDE BUMHOLE HERE cOMES THE TRAIN!2!3" SO PAZRICK SHOVED 15 CRAYONS INTO THE BUM. "FUCK YOURE MAKING ME RESTART MY POTATOES." Pete YODELED. 

Patrick was like "do you want mORre?"

"Yes daddy!" 

"IM GUNNINMAKE IT BEND AND BREeeEeEeEeaK" Patrick sang as the crayons broke into Petes smol bum. So like Pete was moaning away and shit and stuff like that.

And sUDDNELY MORE CRAYONS APPRWSRD AND PATRICK SHOVED 8278262827 MORE CRAYONS INTO PETES ASS:0000. PETE WaS ENJOYING HIMSELF SO MCUN THAT rainbOws were PoURining out of his eyes cause you can't contain tHAT much gay at once. 

Patrick Was having sO mUch fun that he didn't realise.  
Pete  
Was  
One with the crayons.  
HE LITERALY FREAKING TRUEND INTO A CRAYON.

Like smh pete first you were a churro now you're a Crayon. Jfc. So Patrick toOK thagb crayon Pete and SHOVED IT UP HIS OWN ASS so he could have Pete inside him and then he went SQUirT the end (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･✧ ✧･: *


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the time has come. and yes i'm back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's gonna be lit

listen here and put your tits up cause imma tell yOU some shit.

lmao okayt so one day this Fuck twat Pete was cleaning some jIzz with a crusty ass napkin cause he was thinkin bout Petrik w/cfrayons up hios tightass

seriously like pete had some kinky shit goiung on.

so anyways this fuck twat was cleanig his crusty dick slime pete was all "lmao what if there was a crayon buttplug." 

DING DING FUCKER YA GOT MAIL

"hey I got mail," pete whispered as he dropped into spider man position "NO SHIT SHERLOCK" the audience yopdelled

so pete popped his pussy and saw on craigslist that tHERTE WAS A FDUKING CRAYONG BUTTPLUG JESUS. like wow that was p ironic.

so petrik walked in with some pretty sweet hips and was all "bb wyd." 

"lmao I found a crayon buttplug on craigslist hoe."

"HOE GIMME THAT SHIT."

"BOI IF YOU DON'T, wait it says it'll arrive at 4:20 if I order it now."

"But it's 4 now" petrik whimpered as he leaped across the room like a ballerina.

"well let's order it now so we can do kinky shit later." 

so they ordered like 83874874 orders of it because they were gonna throw them to the audience at the show tnite. Oh yeah pete also managed to escape out of paticks asshole sincxe he wa s a crayon and become a human once again. Taco Bell had his back that day. So then the order arrived and iT WAS THAT HOE ANDY WHO DELEVERERD THE CRAYON BUTT PLUGS WITH HIS XVXMEAT WHAT A SLUT. 

they got some free xvxmeat with their order as well and a pair of yeezys lmao thanks obama. 

so patrick took out the colourful buttplug and pushed Pete onTo The CRUSTy ass bed and was all, "KISS THIS BOTTOM I'M ON THE TOP" AND PENETRATED HIS TIGHT LILL ASSHOLE BECAUSE TTHIS BOTTOM WAS ON THE TOP lmao thats a reference. 

"oh yeha bb how do you like that donald trump lube?" patrick grOWLED like a mouse

"oH DADDY I FEEL THE BERN."

so patrickj was fyucking pete so hard that Pete cAME CRAYONS HOLY sugar tits. jesus was needed. 

anwyas at the concert it was lit as hell and then all of a suDDen joe bewcame jesus and pete threw the buttplusg at the audience and eVEERYOPNE BECAME CRAYONS. like jfc first pete was a crayon and now the disease is spreading to the people. and then peoeple went into the mosh pit of crayopns like damn son crayola must have been rejoicing seeing crayons moshing. everyone was having the tim eof their life when all of a sudden forehead man walkjed in and absorbed everyone with his massive forehead because when you got a massive forehead like dildo urie or breadbox urine or some shit like that you gotta feed your forehead. seriously it was like in the little shop of horrors where that big ass plants all 'FEED ME SEYMOUR" the foreheads all "FEED ME BANJO URIE"

then eeveryone went sQuirt ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for more


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic turned 1 on August 9th holy tits

k a few days ago it was this fucki n fics first birthda andf I forgot to poist a chapter so heres your shit.

 

so One day crankthatfrank, or lets call him frank, was chillin, reading about milk going up Ryan Ross' asshole from tYrant Urine whejn sudeenlty Pete wentz knocked at the door. 

"Now who could be at the go damn door,." frank dide the macerena as we walked to the door. 

"fRahnk holy sugar tits!" pete sceecdhede like a pelican, "wanjna do some kinky sjhit?" 

patrick was standing there an d was all for this qp0[0 (I sneezed there ignore that) shit anyways Patrick was all "yeEeEEeEEeeEah" liuke in the drunk history video with Bilbo Utah. Frank, Pete, and Petrik all walked to Franks room and then Franhk had loads of cryaons with him. He too had a crayon kink. 

I feel bad for pete and patricks kids because what if one day they go "daddy why is uncle getting crayons up his ass?" but what can you do, don't kinkshame. 

sOoOoooo anyways patrick was in the middle pof pete and frnk bc he was just like "lmaooo" but its k cause it was consent. 

Consent is key. 

so they were all nekid and crayons were going us eveyerons asshol as in celebration of one year of kinky crayobn fun. Now to come and think of it, 50% of crayon purchases are kids and the other half is pete and patrick doing colourful fun. Pete started to cum crayons and frnk was too. 

"wOoOOOoooOOOoooOoOAaAaaAAaAh MoNa Lis AAA" frank screamed as he and petrik danced like a salamander. 

"Oh wentz papi gimme ur noodz"

"mm bb I kno u been lookin at mi noodz"

"Yeeees blonde emo crayon hoe" 

tbh i really dont got any good one liners so let make thing more interesting. After eveyome came cRyaons Frook was all "bb let me show you what my ass can do with a rubix cube" and petrick and the blond emo fuckboy who pops his pussy watched as frok cried edgy tears and applied eyeliner while his ass wOrKed thet rubix cube

for real the rubix cube went "yes daddy frank" like wtf man

anways aso frank solved the secrets to tghe universe with his ass and then absorbed it.

legit everything juyst flew in idk man it just happened. Breadfruit Shortstack was all "binch kys drink bleach" (thank you kyle for giving me that line)

so the breadfruit, emo fuckboy, frnKa, and patrick all were banging when Basketball moaned "SPREAD ME LIKE THE GRAND CANYON DADDY" andk pete went 

 

"oH yREERahh eat me lik e a clam"

"why a clam?" frnok asked as he did the tango

"cause usually when Ya eat a clam you go sLURP so yeah" pete whisperfed as he popped his pussy once ahain

everyone was ;like "OH YEEEEAH OH FUCK YEAH" and then granola started coming oit of the sky, thanks to Dan powlovich who got the granola. 

everyone came crayoNs amd it was lit bc the shrek mixtape was playing in the back.

and then everyone went sQUIRT the end

****

hey my dudes, in all honestly thank you all so much for the love and support I continually get from you guys. It means the world to me and thank you for sticking by with these shitty fanfics. The Crayon Fic turned 1 on August 9th and I've been so focused on getting crankthatfrank to react to it that i forgot about chapter 3. But once again, thank you everyone for just reading this and commenting and all the love, I promise for this to turn into some huge book or meme or whatever. Once again, thank you lovely people for everyone and stay tuned for more!!

-with so much love, 

Jess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crankthatfrank, if you see this, thank you for exposing me


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete and Patrick find some new friends to join in on their kinky adventures. This is also just me procrastinating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shrek adventures

yo so one day this dipshit Peter was all "boiii we need sum gud kush" 

and petrick was all "yEEE BOIIII" so they ordered that gUd Kush from walmart. Petrick waas all 420 blaze it bincg. So ye while these tow asshats were fukcing weeding it up Andy was lifting sum seruous weights. Honestly that boy could bench press me and I would be okay with that. So anyways this emo wHO HAS DYED HIS HAIR AGAIN I FUCKIG SWEAR FUCK ME OVER EASY is wall twerking whie talking to patreick. "bb we nee d to find some more d. I need me d. It's like a durg." 

"you will snort cocaine off a dick peter" 

"lmao I know"

"lets look on myspace for some dank emos" instead they sfound some memes. bUT then, they went on Grindr and foun that Dan Howell was on there lmao. But they already had kinky crayon fun with him. but that's for another time lmaoooo. so ten they found the all might green sausage. it was \

Shre,k

yes, you heard me, shrek, the all might daddy. 

"PETRIK!!!" soutged pete while dacing to Mambo No. 5, "I need that green dick slime in my tight pussy" he said while his pussy popped across the Indian Ocean and back to Switzerland. Oh yeha, they were in Switzerland. 

Idk why. 

So anyways this fuck twatw ordere 1 green ogre. that night, while tey shoved switz chocoalte up ther asses and prolly got yeast infections later Pete felt a warmth apporach him. 

It was shrek/ ydsgyigu\\\

"biuiuoahduihud78qefg" ssaid oete

I dont know how he amanged to say thataht but what ever thats none of my buisness. 

"I'm so happi,,,papiii" Petrick awake like Jackie Chan in that one movie and grabbed the crayon dildoos from the cuborad. As he turned to see onhis right, it was the rat man. Brongdong Urination and his bf Ryab Roddble. 

This was ginnbg be one hell of an orgy. But whats this? The dudes from A Separate Peace? Gene Forrester and Finny??????? bOYYYYY. 

Shrek placed a hand on Pete and tstarted to fuck him with the crayons of jeus s while succing on a cross lollypop. It tatsted like green apple. Gene and Finny wre making oyt and applying donald trump lube to each others pixie sticks. It hurt, but they did it for each other. Petrick was now fucking Brenodns giant ass forehead and brendon was fucking ryab and crayosnw ere all over the place. t was one ginalt emo orgy. Finnys leg was broke, but in another way. Thanks Gene wahta fucjking asshole. 

Then they all kindsa were moaning and shit and Joe was watching the tellitubbies or Grease with tight ass pants. Then shrek got posessed by elmo and they had to do a shrekorcism. Gene became a strippered and was Calelled "skipple" short for "sknipple" short for "skinny nipple" and his pronouns are "o-daddy" and "restarting my potatoes." 

Jesus flew from satans asshole and then blessed the room becausem shrek had absobred ryan with him milk juices and melted crayons. crayons were all over the walls of tis toom. Im so sorry for everyone who has to clean this hotek.

"Daddy Finny! I'll give you a separate peace"

"mm bby yeee" finny said as be and Gene became Fene. It was kunda horrifiting. 

"this is my swamp now" Shrek yodled as he birthed Ryan Rossb and a pakc of crayons. Oh and Brendon? Yeah hes a stripper now and he was whisked awya by his giraffe Daldo Week. Pete and Petreidkc then succed eachother off and yeah tahats iyt..

Then everyone was all "holy titts that was gud" and busted several nuts while crayosn came flying out of their slimy sausgaes ew. 

Everyone went squirt the end. 

hHAH BITCH YOU THOUGHT LAMOOOO I NEED THIS TO BE LONGER HADGYDGSAGD

so the n the next day at the swamp everyone went home and rode the lig dick hoe. Pete snorted cocaine off of patrciks dick and was high. Oh and the Dan Howell story? Yeah so fil wasn't doin a gud job being all daddy so Petrick and Pet ficked Dan from all the holes and yea. It was p lit cause Dan wanted to wear a diaper that ooked like crayons. and he had a collary and everything on. The FBI is going to find this and wonder what the fuck am I doing i'm sos soryyr,,,, so dont expose me. Mayve I should make a short film out of thi for my video clas.s. 

 

anyways so then Jmmy Fallon was all "yo kiddos be on mi tak show lmaoo: an dthey did some kinky ass shit and yep that fucking oyt/ 

And thats just how the fucing story goes.

And everyone went squirt.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and you thought it was over. It's never ogre.

**Author's Note:**

> I regret this.


End file.
